Yelling loudly at first
by PollyBunnyPeep
Summary: Jane Lane's story, starting from the day she was born. A Daria fanfic
1. Chapter 1

It was a sunny morning in Lawndale. Among the sounds of the birds singing, in a hospital room, the nurses and the doctor were helping Amanda Lane while she was giving birth.

"Push, honey!" said Vincent, the father of the baby that was being born.

Amanda was calmer than most of the mothers that went to that hospital to have their babies. This was her fifth kid so, at that point, giving birth was nothing new to her.

Only a few moments later, yelling loudly at first, Jane Lane was held in the hands of the doctor.

It was a beautiful baby girl with bright blue eyes.

"This girl, Mrs. Lane, screams so loud that I bet she will never have trouble with making people hear her" commented Dr. Meyers.

Jane Lane was the last child of Amanda Lane. At the hospital, things were calm, quiet. But she hadn't seen her new home yet: the Lane house. Her brother, Trent, who was then five years old, was the only one who was interested in being at the hospital for her new sister's birth. When he first saw her, he made a weird expression, because he wasn't used at all to see newborn babies.

"That's your new little sister" said his father, Vincent, who was standing right behind him.

"What's her name?" he asked without taking his eyes off the baby.

"Her name is Jane".

Trent got his finger closer to Jane and, with her tiny hand, she held his finger as soon as she felt it touching her hand.

"Jane" he repeated as if he was trying not to forget it.

And that was when she first met Trent.

What she didn't know yet was that she had three more siblings waiting at home. Her brother Wind and her sisters Penny and Summer. Her sister Penny was 11 years old, Wind was 14 and Summer, the oldest one, was 16. The house was sort of chaotic. With four kids in the house-now five- and the parents busy with their own business the house wasn't a very organized place. Summer and Wind, and maybe even Penny, were, according to Amanda's thoughts, old enough to take care of themselves and most of the time, also of their little brother Trent. They ate tons of mac 'n' cheese and if they wanted anything else, they either had to order it, beg Amanda or do it themselves. Summer, who was meant to carry with most of the responsibility of taking care of her younger siblings, wasn't very interested in it. She was busy by that time, with her then boyfriend Nick, and she wasn't very good at taking care of kids at all. She did not have the patience nor the will to take care of three noisy, annoying kids. And with Jane it was now four.

When Summer heard about her mom's new pregnancy, knowing that this new kid would end up being her responsibility too, she ran away with the boyfriend she had before Nick: Joey. Things didn't work out after they hit the road and, after breaking up and running out of money, Summer ended up going back to the Lane house.

Still at the hospital, little Jane still had the peace and the silence she needed, with her brother and her parents. She still had some time before going to her unstructured and chaotic home, at 111 Howard Drive.


	2. Chapter 2

During her first years of life, her parents Vincent and Amanda, when they were home, payed her more attention than to any of her older siblings.

Since the day she was born, Trent was the one who was concerned about her the most.

His older siblings, Penny, Wind and Summer, didn't care a lot about him. Most of them were almost entirely raised by hippies and Summer who, from a young age, as the result of being the older one who always had to take care of others and herself, was likely uncaring with her brother and sisters. So all his three siblings who could take care of him got used from the beginning of their lives to having to take care of themselves and disliking taking care of others.

Even though or thanks to his lack of attention, Trent tried to take care of Jane as much as he could. He played with her, he helped to feed her and spent time with her. But when she was a newborn she got her own fifteen minutes of fame: the little, cute baby with black hair and blue eyes that seemed to laugh at the sight of any familiar face, got the attention from her parents, Penny, Wind and even Summer. Her father, Vincent, once told her she had been the prettiest baby he'd ever seen. This attention, anyway, didn't last long. Her parents took care of her only during the time they found necessary, Penny and Wind got over her just like if she had been a puppy they got for christmas who was exciting only for a few weeks and later ended up being a common part of the decoration in the house.

Of course, even though Jane wasn't even a year old, when people suddenly stopped caring about her she felt it. She cried her lungs out day and night. Dr. Meyers was right, Jane indeed didn't have much trouble to make people listen to her. Trent and Amanda tried as much as they could to entertain her and make her be quiet by giving her attention, but it wasn't enough for little Janey, as Trent called her, because she was used to something different, to more attention. It didn't make any sense to her the lack of attention she was now experiencing.

"That stupid baby won't shut up and it's really annoying. Mom, make her quiet!" yelled Summer.

"It's okay, Jane" whispered Amanda while holding her little daughter and then looked at Summer: "Summer, don't be like that to your sister. Let her express her feelings".

Amanda was already used to hear her children crying in order to get attention, but she considered it as a positive way in which her kids could express their feelings. Summer did not say anything else to contradict her mom's words, because she had heard herself that phrase coming from her mom's mouth, mostly said to her father, friends or other family members, when a younger self cried in order to be listened. It didn't matter if her mom was right or wrong about letting kids cry to express their anger or pain, Summer did know one thing for sure: she never heard a baby crying louder than Jane.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane Lane was now almost two years old and she enjoyed mainly two things. The first one was drawing. She liked to use her crayons to make doodles on every single surface she found convenient. Amanda's indifference towards her kids was, for once in Jane's short life, useful. Nobody cared about her drawing on the walls every once in a while.

"She'll be an artist in a decade if we let her express her since now" said Amanda whenever anyone made negative commentaries on her daughter's wall art. It didn't happen very often because they barely got any visits that weren't friends of Amanda, and most of them weren't much different from her.

Jane was more like Trent and less like her older siblings. Both Trent and Jane were quiet kids, except when it came to things that didn't involve words: Jane laughed with the happiness and energy only a child could have, and when she was angry or crying her screams could be heard everywhere. But normally, she was as quiet as her brother with everyone except him.

It didn't matter that Jane closed herself to everyone but Trent from a young age, maybe she learned to control her words, but her bright blue eyes still smiled to everyone. Whenever she looked at anyone her eyes seemed to say "hey, stranger! I like you! Be my friend!". She couldn't help it, because she had a kind heart, and it always scared her to death to let anyone notice it. But throughout the years, with some help of her short haircut that covered half her right eye, eyeliner and practice, her eyes only showed her nude inner kindness when she wanted them to or, whether she knew it or not, whenever she smiled.

The second thing she enjoyed was being with Trent. Trent remembered one particular day when he knew how close her sister felt to him. It was the day of her second birthday. Her family made a cake for her and gave her presents that day. Amanda made her cookies for breakfast that morning. Her mother was probably celebrating that day by day she was taking less and less care of her daughter and making her one more of Summer's responsibilities.

Everyone was there when she was about to blow the candle on her cake, that colorful, sweet cake she couldn't wait to eat, but then she noticed something was missing. It was Trent.

During the previous months to her birthday, Trent hadn't been around much. She could see him through a window everyday, staying at his tent, alone. He had some toys with him in there but that was it. However, he sneaked in almost everyday to get food, mostly bowls of mac 'n' cheese one of his siblings left for him on the kitchen's table. Jane looked at him and couldn't figure out what to do. She wanted to go and play with him, because she missed him, but at the same time she was just a one year old, and she could barely understand the world around her. She stared at him from inside the house, waiting for the moment when he would decide to come in.

When she noticed that day that Trent was not there, she exploded. It wasn't rage, it wasn't sadness. It was pure frustration, she missed him and she needed him there. She started screaming and crying in front of her cake, trying to articulate words but she couldn't. Until she finally did it.

"Trent!" she mumbled in a barely understandable way while screaming.

Even Trent, from his tent, got to hear his name but couldn't figure out who's voice was that. He decided to come in and investigate to finally find out it was his sister, Jane, saying her first word.

"Janey!" he screamed full of joy.

Jane stopped crying and calmed down. The family was excited about Jane's first word. That day everyone, from Penny to Vincent, were in a very good mood, and also Jane, once her brother was there with her.

The family was also impressed by Trent. "Janey" was one of the few words he had said in months. During his stay at the tent in the backyard, he barely talked to any member of his family or anyone else as far as they knew. Trent lived under the role of a very quiet boy, until he was 12, met Jesse Moreno and started to play the guitar. From there, he started to make all the loud noise that during his childhood was familiar to him only through Jane. It wasn't the kind of noise the rest of his family did, that chaotic way of making noise. It was a noise that meant something like it did to Jane: angst, sadness, anger, happiness. Music gave him the chance to make his own noise without being stopped by his voice and express his own anger by playing the guitar louder and louder.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that day, Jane and Trent were eating ice cream and pizza in front of the TV. It was Jane's birthday, so she got what she wanted that day. And she asked for pizza, ice cream and her big brother. He was the only one that made her feel safe and after six months without him in the house his presence was the perfect gift.

"Janey" said Trent with pizza in his mouth "I was waiting for someone to invite me back into the house. Thanks for calling me for your birthday".

She smiled.

"Do you want me to go back to my tent?" he asked after a moment.

"No" she stammered "don't go, Trent".

When Jane was 4, Summer finally left the Lane house. It had been just a week since and Jane was crying in her bed, yelling loudly at first and then smothering her screams with a pillow, repeating this process over and over.

She didn't have a close relationship with Summer, but this was the second change she experienced in her life and, remembering that her first change was people leaving her emotionally, this second change in which her sister was leaving her physically resulted in being like salt to an open wound in her heart. Summer was no longer around the house, being the annoying teenager she was somehow expected to be. She wasn't in the kitchen anymore making mac 'n' cheese.

"Where is Summer?" asked Jane to her brother while he tried to calm her down.

The ten year old looked at serious gaze and said: "somewhere where she can bother me for sure".

Jane's eyes were starting to get wet and Trent understood his sister's distress. He held her in his arms and hugged her.

"She's okay, Janey, she's with her family".

Summer had moved with her then boyfriend Luke. She was pregnant and Luke seemed to had fallen in love with her. It was interesting that Summer seemed to be happy about her pregnancy, even though she never liked kids.

Trent kept Jane entertained during the weeks following Summer's departure and it didn't take as long as Trent predicted for Jane to get used to live without Summer. After Summer left, it was easier for Jane when, two years later, Wind left with his first wife and when Penny left too when she was seven.

When Jane was five, despite of the fact that Summer's room was now available, she started to share Trent's room and didn't go back to her own room until Trent was almost thirteen. She started to be afraid of the dark and monsters under her bed after watching a marathon of scary movies with Penny and Wind and told Trent it would be only for a few days, that turned into years. Trent was okay with it, even though they had fights every once in a while. Most of them had something to do with the passion they shared: sleep. Back then when Jane was a kid, she enjoyed sleeping as much as Trent did, but only Trent kept this habit after his childhood. They fights always went about how one of them had disturbed the other's sleep. When sleep didn't make them fight, it made them closer to each other. They used to fall asleep on the couch while watching TV and if Amanda was around and saw them asleep with the TV on, she covered them with a blanket.

Amanda spent most of her time at her workshop in an old bomb shelter and when she was at home her personal refuge, as well as second workshop, was in the basement of the Lane house. She made so many ceramic sculptures that when Jane got into her workshop in the basement and accidentally broke one of her sculptures Amanda didn't notice it was gone. Jane got in there for a specific reason that was art. Jane still had her interest in art but she had gone from using crayons to taking also her mom's paint. It made everything more messy and Amanda didn't mind as long as she didn't take all the paint for herself.

Despite of her neglect, Jane never felt resentful towards her mom, her dad or any of her family members. She knew they weren't trying to be mean or cold, it was just the way they were and there was nothing she could do about it. Trent, however, never forgot the tent affair, but he recalled it with more sadness than rage. Towards her siblings, she felt the same except for the fact that she found them annoying. Her parents were okay, because their neglect never affected her so it was benign. But her siblings had been in the house invading her space for years.

There was one thing she learned after living for so many years at the Lane house, one thing that she always found useful: to protect herself from getting hurt by simply not getting attached. It worked fine for her when she had to deal with her siblings leaving the house.


	5. Chapter 5

When Jane entered first grade, at the age of seven, her teacher-tried to-call her parents many times. The main reasons were Jane's tendency to draw on walls and her apathy towards the other kids. These calls weren't answered anyway, because Amanda was either out or at her workshop, Vincent was most of the time out of the country, Summer was busy taking care of her first child and trying to save her marriage, Wind was also working on his own marriage and Penny Lane was in Mexico. Penny was the one who kept in touch the most, sending letters, though only addressed to Amanda and Vincent.

Jane's smiley stickers next to her name on the blackboard went from ten to zero. This was the way in which her teacher punished her for drawing on the walls and yelling and screaming when she was told not to "ruin the walls". She wasn't used to people telling her that kind of things. She didn't like school and she told Trent she didn't want to go back.

"I know you hate it. I hate it too. But we have to. It's only for a few years" said Trent when she wanted to drop out of first grade.

She later stopped caring about how obnoxious she found going to school and the lost smileys that were meant to be on the blackboard. But school had somehow civilized her. She stopped drawing on the walls and her characteristic screams were now in the past. After first grade, the powerful scream she had made the day she was born, that scream that made Dr. Meyers know this girl would make everyone listen to her, was buried down inside, right next to those times when she was the center of attention in the Lane family. She never screamed the same.

"Why did you stop drawing on the walls?" said Trent, staring at the half-empty walls next to Jane's bed "And why are you doing that?".

Jane was cleaning the wall.

"I like paper more than walls now" she explained.

"Just because your teacher doesn't like you drawing on her walls that doesn't mean you can't do it here".

"I know, but paper is better. You know why? Because I can carry my drawings everywhere. It's easier than carrying the wall with me whenever I want anyone to see my drawings".

Before Trent met Jesse Moreno, he barely had any friends and he was shy and quiet. After he met Jesse, things didn't change much, but he at least could feel good around his new friend and Jesse's friends who were the kind of people he could relate with. During elementary school, though, Jane knew how to interact with her classmates, but she disliked them all so she didn't have a single friend, just people she talked to and played with on the playground sometimes. She remained alone until high school, but it didn't ever bother her. She enjoyed her own company. Her mind was as bright as her eyes, but even as a creative and smart girl she had bad grades. This was a consequence of how she spent most of the time either drawing on the last page of her notebooks or daydreaming about doing so. She showed every single drawing she made to her brother, each was another wasted day at school from an adult's perspective, but for Trent this was her sister's way into becoming big. She was very talented from an early age, and now that her art was a little more consistent this was even more clear. He applauded her talent.

Although she never really liked someone at school, when she was nine-by that time Summer and her two kids were staying with them after her divorce-her first crush on someone she experienced her first crush on someone. It was Jesse. He spent a lot of time at her house, practicing guitar with Trent or just hanging out with him. She had a crush on him so she liked to be around him, but even for a nine year old Jane was smart enough not to make her crush evident. When she got over Jesse, about a year later, she felt embarrassed because for the first time in her life she thought that she was actually willing to let someone get to know her if that person wanted to do so, thing Jesse didn't do because she was nine and he was fourteen. She started to avoid him and hated him for a while, blaming him for making her feel such things. He noticed that Jane seemed to be mad at him and talked to her. She never told Jesse she had a crush on him, she didn't even told Trent, and after convincing him during that talk that she wasn't mad at him, she had her own epiphany and understood it had happened and it wasn't Jesse's fault of hers either. She just went back to be around him and Trent, going back to normal.


	6. Chapter 6

Jane took her first and last art lesson when she was 14. She went there expecting to learn something but after the first class she went back home and communicated her opinion about the class to Trent: "It sucks".

"You should give it another chance. I think you should go one more time and if it still sucks you can just quit" he suggested.

She agreed, not very happy about it, to go one more time, then she'd quit.

The room was filled with mediocre adult artists and the teacher was a douche. She later remembered these lessons, when she went to spend a summer in Ashfield, the art colony, since the teacher and everyone there seemed to be the same people from the art lessons wearing different faces and carrying different bodies.

She then waited until the next lesson and reluctantly headed off to the place.

She was expecting to see the same, boring people there but there was something different. She then noticed what was it. It was a boy that she, for some reason, found familiar. He didn't specially call her attention.

He sat next to her and they spent half an hour without talking, but she felt, uncomfortably, how the guy stared at her. He was analyzing how her face revealed she was as sick of those lessons as he was so he decided to talk to her.

"Hey" he whispered "wanna go to the Pizza Place after this is over?" he asked.

"Um... what?".

"I asked you if you wanna go to eat Pizza after this. I'll pay".

"Yeah, I heard that, but why are you asking that? You look familiar though, have we met before?".

"Right, sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Daniel".

"I'm Jane" she said.

"I've seen you in school a few times but I never talked to you before. No offense but in such a crowded and chaotic place you never called my attention as much. But now that we're not around that amount of people you do seem interesting. And even in school you still call some of my attention. You're the kind of girl that do call people's attention, somehow".

"I guess I've failed my mission" she replied.

"And what mission is that?".

"Being enough of an outcast to be completely invisible to normal people" she said with a big smile.

"What makes you think that I'm normal?" he said.

"Come one, Daniel, you hang out with the so-called cool guys in school. Actually, now that I think about it, what the hell are you even doing here?".

"Just because I hang out with them that doesn't make me like them. Right now you're hanging out with these mediocre people but that doesn't mean you're like them, does it?".

"Okay, you win, but you didn't answer my question. Why are you here? You don't seem the kind of guy who would come to art lessons".

"I've seen some of your work, Jane. The art teacher likes it and he's showed me some of the things you've painted. I think you're really talented and from your paintings I can tell that you are different from other people. I barely know anything about art, I'm not as talented as you. But I supposed you were going to be here when I saw you looking at a pamphlet of the art lessons in school".

She felt flattered. Nobody had seen her paintings and appreciated them, just Trent and her art teacher. The fact that a guy like him liked her art was, though, surprising.

"Well, thank you".

"So, what do you say, are you up for pizza?".

She thought about it. She hadn't talked to him before but from their recent conversation she could assume he seemed decent. She didn't really have anything else to do anyway, she thought.

"Okay, but you're paying".

He was fifteen. His hair was black like Jane's and he had gray eyes.

In the Pizza Place, they talked about Jane's art, about school and about Daniel. Jane didn't talk much about herself, she didn't like doing so. She wanted to talk through her art, and even if what she wanted to say involved being a sarcastic bitch, she knew how to make it work on the canvas.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked after they finished talking and eating pizza, when they noticed it was dark outside.

"I'll be okay going by myself, but you can come if you want to".

"I don't feel like going home yet so I'll guess I'll walk with you".

They walked slowly to the Lane house together, taking their time, spending most of the time in silence. When they reached the door, Jane said:

"Well, here it is. Do you wanna come in?".

"I'd love to do anything to keep me from going home early, but I'll have to pass. It's getting late. I enjoyed this time with you, Jane. Thanks for giving me a chance to talk to you".

"No problem".

"Do you think we can hang out again?".

She smirked.

"I guess we can. Next time, I'm paying. Unless you feel charitable enough to pay".

He laughed and said: "we'll see. See you later, Jane".

"Bye, Daniel".

When she got home Trent was standing by the door.

"Hey" he said with his deep, raspy voice.

"Hey" she replied.

"Who was that?".

"Who?".

"The guy you were talking to five seconds ago".

"Oh. His name's Daniel. I met him in the art lessons and we went to the Pizza Place" she said as if she wanted to give her brother an excuse for taking so long to get home.

"Hmmm...".

"What?".

"It's just kinda weird. I mean it's the first time you hang out with someone. And it's the first time you invite a friend over. At least that was the closest one of your friends has been from the house. How come you accepted hanging out again so easily? Like you don't even accept hanging out with people you talk to more often but you met that guy a few hours ago".

She hadn't realized that until Trent pointed it out. She blushed and opened her eyes widely, extremely surprised.

"Woah, you do have a big crush on this guy".

"Dammit" she cursed.

For the first time she noticed how Trent knew her, sometimes, more than she knew herself. Maybe, she thought, he, somehow, knew about her old crush on his friend Jesse.


	7. Chapter 7

Jane took her first and last art lesson when she was 14. She went there expecting to learn something but after the first class she went back home and communicated her opinion about the class to Trent: "It sucks".

"You should give it another chance. I think you should go one more time and if it still sucks you can just quit" he suggested.

She agreed, not very happy about it, to go one more time, then she'd quit.

The room was filled with mediocre adult artists and the teacher was a douche. She later remembered these lessons, when she went to spend a summer in Ashfield, the art colony, since the teacher and everyone there seemed to be the same people from the art lessons wearing different faces and carrying different bodies.

She then waited until the next lesson and reluctantly headed off to the place.

She was expecting to see the same, boring people there but there was something different. She then noticed what was it. It was a boy that she, for some reason, found familiar. He didn't specially call her attention.

He sat next to her and they spent half an hour without talking, but she felt, uncomfortably, how the guy stared at her. He was analyzing how her face revealed she was as sick of those lessons as he was so he decided to talk to her.

"Hey" he whispered "wanna go to the Pizza Place after this is over?" he asked.

"Um... what?".

"I asked you if you wanna go to eat Pizza after this. I'll pay".

"Yeah, I heard that, but why are you asking that? You look familiar though, have we met before?".

"Right, sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Daniel".

"I'm Jane" she said.

"I've seen you in school a few times but I never talked to you before. No offense but in such a crowded and chaotic place you never called my attention as much. But now that we're not around that amount of people you do seem interesting. And even in school you still call some of my attention. You're the kind of girl that do call people's attention, somehow".

"I guess I've failed my mission" she replied.

"And what mission is that?".

"Being enough of an outcast to be completely invisible to normal people" she said with a big smile.

"What makes you think that I'm normal?" he said.

"Come one, Daniel, you hang out with the so-called cool guys in school. Actually, now that I think about it, what the hell are you even doing here?".

"Just because I hang out with them that doesn't make me like them. Right now you're hanging out with these mediocre people but that doesn't mean you're like them, does it?".

"Okay, you win, but you didn't answer my question. Why are you here? You don't seem the kind of guy who would come to art lessons".

"I've seen some of your work, Jane. The art teacher likes it and he's showed me some of the things you've painted. I think you're really talented and from your paintings I can tell that you are different from other people. I barely know anything about art, I'm not as talented as you. But I supposed you were going to be here when I saw you looking at a pamphlet of the art lessons in school".

She felt flattered. Nobody had seen her paintings and appreciated them, just Trent and her art teacher. The fact that a guy like him liked her art was, though, surprising.

"Well, thank you".

"So, what do you say, are you up for pizza?".

She thought about it. She hadn't talked to him before but from their recent conversation she could assume he seemed decent. She didn't really have anything else to do anyway, she thought.

"Okay, but you're paying".

He was fifteen. His hair was black like Jane's and he had gray eyes.

In the Pizza Place, they talked about Jane's art, about school and about Daniel. Jane didn't talk much about herself, she didn't like doing so. She wanted to talk through her art, and even if what she wanted to say involved being a sarcastic bitch, she knew how to make it work on the canvas.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked after they finished talking and eating pizza, when they noticed it was dark outside.

"I'll be okay going by myself, but you can come if you want to".

"I don't feel like going home yet so I'll guess I'll walk with you".

They walked slowly to the Lane house together, taking their time, spending most of the time in silence. When they reached the door, Jane said:

"Well, here it is. Do you wanna come in?".

"I'd love to do anything to keep me from going home early, but I'll have to pass. It's getting late. I enjoyed this time with you, Jane. Thanks for giving me a chance to talk to you".

"No problem".

"Do you think we can hang out again?".

She smirked.

"I guess we can. Next time, I'm paying. Unless you feel charitable enough to pay".

He laughed and said: "we'll see. See you later, Jane".

"Bye, Daniel".

When she got home Trent was standing by the door.

"Hey" he said with his deep, raspy voice.

"Hey" she replied.

"Who was that?".

"Who?".

"The guy you were talking to five seconds ago".

"Oh. His name's Daniel. I met him in the art lessons and we went to the Pizza Place" she said as if she wanted to give her brother an excuse for taking so long to get home.

"Hmmm...".

"What?".

"It's just kinda weird. I mean it's the first time you hang out with someone. And it's the first time you invite a friend over. At least that was the closest one of your friends has been from the house. How come you accepted hanging out again so easily? Like you don't even accept hanging out with people you talk to more often but you met that guy a few hours ago".

She hadn't realized that until Trent pointed it out. She blushed and opened her eyes widely, extremely surprised.

"Woah, you do have a big crush on this guy".

"Dammit" she cursed.

For the first time she noticed how Trent knew her, sometimes, more than she knew herself. Maybe, she thought, he, somehow, knew about her old crush on his friend Jesse.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is your pizza okay?" said Daniel while looking how Jane touched her slice of pizza with her finger and moved it around her plate without saying a word nor looking at him.

"Uh?" she hadn't heard him, because she wasn't paying attention.

"You seem distracted, Jane".

"Why do you say so?".

"You haven't eaten anything. And you're not talking".

"I'm not really hungry. And sorry about not talking, I am too quiet".

"No you're not, we talked a lot when we met, didn't we? And I was a stranger".

She sighed but didn't say anything else. She looked quite sad.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay" she answered without changing her facial expression or taking her eyes off the table.

"You know, if you're not feeling hungry we can go somewhere else".

"It's okay, I'm okay in here".

But she wasn't. She was scared. She had a crush on Jesse once, yes, but she was much younger and it hadn't been that much of a big deal. She thought Jesse was cute, he was nice to her and sweet and that was enough to make her feel happy. With Daniel, however it was different. It was the first time she had unconsciously opened herself to someone else so much. She had talked to him, she agreed to hang out with him without even knowing him, she even invited him to the Lane house and enjoyed everything, she never felt it as an obligation or anything similar. She liked spending that time with him. But once she noticed it, she was terrified. It shook her feelings and her lonely routine. She thought she had been willing to open herself to Jesse, but if she was, why didn't she do it? It was because that had been an illusion. This time, it came so fast she didn't have time to notice it. For the first time she didn't completely feel like she wanted to be alone, but she didn't know how to communicate her wishes.

"You know if something's up you can tell me. I know we haven't been friends for too long, but..."

"Friends?" she interrupted.

"Yeah, we're friends, aren't we?".

She was doubting in her head. She wanted so hard to get out of there and never see him again, so she could just forget about all that, and prevent bad things from happening. But she couldn't.

"Yes, yes we are" she said with a shy smile and the same sadness in here eyes, because she knew that inevitably something bad would happen.


	9. Chapter 9

The first time Daniel entered Jane's house he was being judged in silence by an speechless, yet excited, Trent. He felt worried about his little sister, he knew that if things went wrong it would recall old things she thought were buried under years and experiences. Trent didn't want his sister to feel as lonely as he felt those six months in the tent. On the other hand, he wanted her to try this new thing she hadn't tried before. But he would be watching after her.

"Hi, I'm Trent" he greeted.

"Oh, so you're Trent" said Daniel "Jane talks a lot about you".

Jane, who was standing behind Daniel, smiled to Trent and when he saw her he to smiled her too.

Daniel and Jane went upstairs to Jane's room. Daniel was lying on Jane's bed while watching a new TV show he had just told Jane about, it was called Sick Sad World. Jane was painting following the rhythm Trent's loud music. He was listening to Nirvana. He had been two weeks trying to learn some of their songs.

"How did you learn to paint?" he asked her.

"See those clean walls? They used to be full of paint and crayon drawings when I was a kid. They made some good training canvas".

"That's it? You mean nobody ever taught you anything about painting?".

"Nope".

"Whoa, I can't believe you learned to do all those things yourself".

"Thanks, I guess. I've had plenty of time for practice so it'd be a waste of time if I hadn't learned anything at all".

He smiled at her and, while listening to the TV on the back, he stared at Jane while she painted. He felt him staring, like she did the day they met, and smiled as she moved the brush smoothly over the canvas.

Then she suddenly stopped. She left the brush. She sighed and turned around. The first thing she saw was Daniel's gray eyes. She looked at the color of her eyes for a moment in silence and he didn't mind.

_Every cloud has a smokey gray lining_, she thought while looking at him, only because she wanted to have an excuse to mention something related to him in her mind. This time, his eyes.

He was staring at her blue eyes, as absorbed as Jane was with his.

"I like you, Jane" he said while getting up from the bed.

"I like you too" she confessed and walked in his direction.

They were like in the middle of a trance. Jane's gaze revealed that she was worried. And she was, because she knew she couldn't go back from there. She couldn't just walk out. Leaving was even harder at that point.

They got close to each other and Jane sighed. He slowly took her hand and she got her face close to his until their lips touched.

Dilated pupils, hearts beating uncontrollably fast. It was her first kiss.

"This can't be happening" she said after they kissed.

"Why not? I like you, you like me. You make me happy, Jane".

"Yeah that's cool but" she noticed she could be sounding cold "I don't mean to be rude but this is complicated".

"Why?".

"Because" she whispered "it's too good to be happening. You know how when taking a test if everything seems easy it's because you must be wrong? This thing happens over and over. If I'm too happy it's because something bad will happen".

He moved her black hair off her face, then longer than how it would end up looking a few years later, and kissed her. She noticed he looked sad.

"You are right. I want to do this, but I can't do this to you".

"Do what to me?".

"I'm moving. Me and my family are moving to England in a month. I didn't want to tell you because since I first saw you I noticed that if you had one single reason to avoid trying this you would use that as an excuse. And it was wrong that I did this, because now I won't be here for you".

"Oh. That". She sighed. It was, as she had thought, inevitably.

_Every cloud has a smokey gray lining_.

"You know, even if we don't get to be together for so long we can be together while we still can" suggested Jane.

"I think you're right. We still have a month, after all".

Trent had his ear against Jane's door. He felt stupid for worrying so much but this was the first time something like this happened to Jane. It was important to him. He smiled, pleased to know that Jane was okay and went back to his noisy room.

_I was always right, Jane do knows how to take care of herself_, he thought.

Daniel was Jane's first love. They decided not to go as boyfriend and girlfriend, which was Jane's petition. They still did the same things they did at the beginning of their relationship, mostly talk and eat pizza, but now they could make out too.

"Hey, Janey, how are things going with that guy Daniel?" asked Trent one day she got home a little bit too late after being with Daniel.

"Pretty awesome. It sucks that he's leaving so soon, though".

"I am happy you're happy. Are you sure you're going to be okay after he's gone?".

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay".

They started to go out every single day, knowing that soon they could no longer do that anymore. The day he had to go, quite early in the morning, he went to la Casa Lane to say goodbye. He said goodbye to Trent and then went upstairs to see Jane.

She was sleeping, he felt like he didn't want to wake her up but he gave himself one last opportunity to do something selfish.

He sat on the edge of the bed, but then just lay next to her, hugging her from behind.

"Jane" he whispered.

She slowly woke up and recognized his voice. She turned around and saw him with some tears in his eyes. She kissed him and cleaned the tears with her fingers.

"It'll be okay" she said.

"Are you sure you won't forget me?".

"How could I forget you, Daniel?".

"I don't know. I won't forget you for sure".

After a moment, he said:

"I love you, Jane. I just wanted you to know that".

She smiled and she couldn't help crying a little. The words finally, for the first time, came out of her mouth.

"I love you too".

She didn't think about him as gone or away. She never thought about him in a sad or nostalgic way. He had brought happiness and meaning to her life and that was what she wanted to remember. But the most important thing: she never, even after she met Tom Sloane, forgot about her month with Daniel, the guy with smokey gray eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Jane was sixteen. A new year had jut started.

She was now alone, again, as, she thought, was her natural state. No friends, no annoying siblings waiting inside la Casa Lane, no Daniel. All she had was Trent, who was spending most of his time sleeping in his room or practicing with his band, Mystik Spiral. They used to play sometimes at a place called The Zon. She used to be the director of band graphics but after that controversy among the the band members about what side was the direction that the spiral of the band's logo was supposed to have, she quit.

She was going to those stupid special classes after school, to treat her problem of low self-esteem. She didn't really have low self-esteem. She was just taking the classes every year, even though she already knew how to get out of there, because it was at least something to kill the time.

She sat behind a girl with brown hair, a green coat, combat boots, a skirt and glasses.

_I haven't seen her before,_ thought Jane, _she must be new_.

"Excuse me?" said the girl while Mr. O'Neill, the teacher that was in charge of the self-esteem classes every year, kept talking.

"He doesn't know what it means" she explained to the new girl "he's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice".

Jane was always glad that she had decided to apply for those classes that year again, that she had sat there and, most important, that she had decided to talk to that brown-haired girl in front of her, Daria.

"We could hang out on the weekends and eat pizza" was, thought Jane, the best phrase-and also almost the only one- that she had ever used to befriend someone like Daria.

**Note: I know they didn't use that phrase on the show, at least not in the first episode, but I just really liked it.**


End file.
